


I suppose I got bored

by suddenrain



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexuality, Depressive thoughts/behaviors, F/M, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of kissing, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Social Anxiety, fake relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-03-12 08:20:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13543416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenrain/pseuds/suddenrain
Summary: Rhett can't help but notice he has trouble making friends. Link's advice may or may not lead to very interesting results.





	1. Wise advice

Rhett did not think of himself as an antisocial person. He could understand the appeal of big college parties: a bunch of people stuck together, nothing but people, gathered in a vacuum with no way to escape. The perfect medium for social interactions to happen. In practice, however, the vacuum often was a cramped apartment with dark corners and a patterned wallpaper that seemed far more interesting than the guests all of a sudden. Rhett inevitably ended up alone in one of those corners, preferably the one where the table full of cold pizzas could keep him company.

 

Tonight was no different. It’d been two hours since he had last talked to anyone, and despite his impressive height, nobody seemed to notice his presence anymore. He still caught himself trying to save face by keeping an exaggerated smile on his face, as if he was having the most substantial and pleasant conversation with his red solo cup. Why did he have to be like this? Was it the others’ fault? Rhett looked around and squinted to distinguish all these strangers and distant acquaintances’ scarlet faces twisting in ugly emotions under the subdued lights. He tried for a moment to find them vulgar and pathetic. Poor college students who got to go wild on the weekends, numbing their feelings with alcohol and talking about their mediocre life to anyone who’ll listen. But when he saw Link bursting with his crazy high-pitched laughter, perfectly comfortable around these people he’d met a few hours ago, it wasn’t too hard for Rhett to identify who the real problem was.

He’d really better take upon himself and strike up a conversation, or else this party was going to be a real bust. As he was trying to psych himself up a bit, a girl he didn’t know came over to the table, and thus nearer to his corner. It was the perfect opportunity. While she was grabbing a slice of quiche, Rhett slowly approached her.

 

“Hey! Havin’ fun?”

The girl did not turn around, making Rhett wonder if he really had become invisible to everybody.

“Uh… Hello?"

“What?” she said in confusion. “Were you talking to me?”

She was cuter than expected, even if she talked with her mouth full of quiche and she was apparently half deaf. Her long shiny hair caressing the smooth dark skin of her shoulders was what drew his attention the most, and although he should have been even more intimidated than before, he felt a sudden surge of energy coursing through him that urged him to take a chance.

 

“Since the beginning of the night, there’s something that’s really bugging me. I feel like I’ve seen you before, many times, and I was wondering if you could enlighten me.”

 

Not so bad, at least he didn’t stutter. But he had no idea what she could possibly answer to that, as he had never actually seen her in his life. That was… That was quite a stupid pick-up line, if he could even call it that. The girl looked him up and down, seemingly less than impressed by Rhett’s weak goatee and his gangly body disappearing beneath clothes that were three times too large.

“Sorry, but I don’t remember you at all.”

The discouraged look in his eyes seemed to be highly amusing to her, because she started laughing.

 

The party had finally reached that point when the dance floor had been deserted for a while and the remaining people had scattered, either lying on the floor like corpses or talking politics in the kitchen. Link just watched as the situation worsened, half asleep on the couch. His new “friend”, Ted -or was it Chad ?- was slouching next to him, a fact that could be related to the fragments of sentences that were reaching his ears and lulling him to sleep. All this guy did was talking about wrestling matches the entire night. At first, Link had shared his enthusiasm, but he had quickly realized that his own vague interest in the sport didn’t match Ted’s all-consuming passion, which he poured into scholarly rants on why Randy Savage’s special moves would definitely keep on being the most iconic of the decade.

 

Link opened one eye when he noticed that the distant flow of words had stopped and got replaced by incredibly annoying sucking sounds. Ted was gone, and a couple was now french kissing on the couch in the most aggressive way possible. Link’s eyes settled on the man’s huge veiny hand grasping the girl’s thigh and he recognized it almost right away. The boy whose face was disappearing among heavy black locks was none other than his best friend, Rhett. Link was unable to look away, as embarrassed as he felt. He had to admit that Rhett looked like he knew what he was doing. The girl broke the kiss to try and catch her breath, a small smile tugging at her lips. She whispered something in Rhett’s ear before she got up and went to the kitchen. Link gazed at a pink-cheeked Rhett until he quit staring into space.

 

“Oh, you’re here.” Rhett said sheepishly.

“She’s gorgeous, Rhett! How do you do it?” He exclaimed excitedly.

Rhett shrugged. “Yeah. I suppose I got bored.”

“You’re never going to miss an opportunity to brag, are you?”

 

This last comment left Rhett confused, but he didn’t get too much time to think about it as the brunette joined them again and a pair of pretty hands grabbed his shirt’s collar. All while two soft lips attacked his own.

 

 

The following evening, as Rhett was lying awake in his bed, he found himself staring at the top bunk’s mattress, deep in thought. He did not feel satisfied with the way he had… sympathized with this girl at the party. She looked good, she kissed well, and he was quite proud of the fact that he had managed to seduce her, although it had been a long shot if their initial exchanges were anything to go by. In the end, though, he had still failed at the task at hand, which was to make friends. All he knew he was good at was zeroing in on a pretty girl and trying every possible means to make her want to kiss him. There was no way his introverted ass would ever make any friends on this earth, so how could turning a stranger into a drinking buddy not be an impossible task?

 

“What are you mumbling about down there?”

 Damn. Link had heard him as he was whispering to himself.

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

“What did you mean when you said you’ve got no friends?” Link asked in concern.

“You didn’t hear that right.”

“I heard it,” Link argued, “and I disagree. You have friends, man.”

“Yeah, sure.” Rhett scoffed.

 

Link glanced down from the bunk bed.

 

“You feel like you don’t have any, because you are always trying to look cool and detached, so you don’t get attached to anybody either.”

“What makes you think I’m trying to look cool? If that’s all you have to tell me -”

“Well, why do you think you have no friends, then?” Link cut in.

 

Link didn’t sound upset, only genuinely concerned, which meant that he assumed that what Rhett had said didn’t apply to him. He was not wrong. After all, they were more than friends: they were basically brothers.

 

“I just… I don’t know. How do I make friends with somebody new? When it’s just me facing the other person, I panic and I make stupid jokes. Even if things are getting off to a good start, I end up losing interest in the conversation and I shut myself in my own little world. I want to know what’s wrong with me."

“So is it like… nervousness? Anxiety?”

 

Back in high school, they weren’t prone to discussing their feelings this casually. It wasn’t what their best friendship was built upon. Now, being roommates, they somehow found it easier to have long talks about intimate stuff. Of course, they tried to be as analytical as they were when listening to their Merle Haggard’s cassettes, in order to avoid drowning in a turmoil of feelings in front of the other guy and making a fool of themselves. Rhett didn't know if he felt uncomfortable or relieved that Link wanted to know about his lack of social skills. Maybe he could help him find a solution. His friend came up with very silly ideas sometimes, but they had the benefit of giving Rhett a new perspective on things.

 

“It’s probably anxiety, I mean… Talking to new people is kinda like improv. I don’t understand how you manage to look so at ease. I always feel like I’m in a trap."

“Honestly, I don’t even think about it.” Link told him. “I let it flow, you know. When I’m at a party, I just try to be interested in the people that are there.”

“So you’re saying I’m a narcissist who’s in his own head all the time. True, but ouch.”

“I didn’t say that.” Link said quickly. “Here’s what I think: you should keep trying and practicing, even if it fails most of the time. It’s not that big of a deal, right? Some people will remember you as this gawky, funny-looking, bean munching beast they met once at a party. So what? You’ll most likely never see them again in your life, and one day all this training will pay off.

“I… I don’t know if I can do that.”  Rhett confessed.

“What surprises me, is that you always look self-confident when you’re talking to random girls.” Link said, with some awe in his voice. “You’re like, right in your element.”

“When I’m talking to girls, exactly. I’m only good at flirting, that’s my problem.”

“Well you should do the same thing to make friends!” Link suggested.

“What?”

“If that’s your way of connecting with people, you should stick with it. You just have to picture the perfect babe every time you speak with someone new.”

“Link, how do I tell you that flirting and having a friendly talk is not the same thing at all.” Rhett sighed.

“You think I’m messing with you? I’m telling you, man, it might work. There are plenty of guys I speak to in class and I can never tell if they’re hitting on me or if it’s just their personality. And it’s okay, because they come across as super nice!”

“That would be too strange. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.”

“I’m just trying to help. You can do whatever you want, buddy.” Link told him.

 

Link followed this up with a loud yawn and they left it at that. It wasn’t long before Rhett began tossing and turning, replaying their conversation in his head. Well, maybe Link’s ideas were slightly too innovative for Rhett’s taste. He tried seeing himself walking up to a guy and giving him a cheeky wink as a greeting. Okay, that was more than ridiculous. He was desperate for a trick to stop being his awkward self in social events, but he definitely wouldn’t stoop that low.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist and LinksLipsSinkShips for proofreading this chapter, and giving me some good suggestions !


	2. Important discoveries

Rhett was absentmindedly playing Street Fighter against Gregg, pushing the buttons rhythmically. The soft atmosphere of a Sunday afternoon spent idling away made him drift into a state of tranquility, the only unwelcomed distractions being Link’s chewing sounds as his head was diving into a large KFC bucket and the crunchy bits of chips crushed between the maroon carpeting and the soles of his feet. Rhett knew it should annoy him, he’d been telling Link to chew softer their whole lives - but still, it was familiar.  
  
It was soon Link’s turn to take his controller, and as Rhett was easing into a greater level of inaction, the advice that his best friend had given him about a month ago clouded the perfect void that was his mind. He had to admit that his resolve not to apply it had seriously begun to crumble, mainly because he hadn’t found any other alternative. The lack of opportunities to try things out in the field hadn’t helped him at all. Indeed, there weren’t that many parties at this time of the year, the finals detering the least serious students from organizing any. Living like a recluse was, overall, not that bad of a condition : as long as he wasn’t forced to communicate with other people, Rhett was happy to let himself float around, accepting life as it came. His mind wasn’t making crazy plans for the future like it used to. If college was a good place to be, the perspective of becoming a boring engineer for his whole life was like a flitting shadow looming over him and giving him a bitter taste in his mouth. So he couldn’t really tell if his way of living in the moment  made him at peace or if it was a symptom of a depressive state.  
  
“Take the joystick, man, there’s a test I’ve got to study for.”  
  
Rhett couldn’t gather enough strength to lift his arm, so Link tossed him the gamepad which landed on his lap. The poor guy was already fidgeting and getting paler by the second. Gregg and Rhett shook their heads disapprovingly. There were bigger problems than academic success in life, and Link still hadn’t understood this basic fact.  
  
  
  
  
When the holidays came around, Rhett was freed from his hermit’s routine and Link from his frantic cramming. Before the boys went back home and got some rest in good ol’ Buies Creek, Gregg insisted that they grabbed a drink at a newly opened bar which was said to be the « coolest and craziest bar that had ever been and will ever be in Raleigh ». Despite its growing success, it was not completely crowded when they arrived and they managed to find a table. The decoration was rather original :  hanging from the ceiling were slinkies and CDs reflecting the spotlights. The walls were covered in phosphorescent photos of curvy, scantily clad women. They watched in awe as a group of trendy teens were syncing up their running men and funky charleston on the beat of Warren G’s What’s love got to do with it. The air was glistening from youthful sweat.  
  
The boys began to marvel at how cooler than them this place was - how incredible it was that bringing a girl to be accepted in hadn’t been necessary. Then they began to chat about what they would do back home. Of course, Link brought up the rides in the Dodge Dynasty. The nostalgia in his tone and the childlike joy in his eyes caught Gregg’s interest, so he asked his friends where they would go during those getaways. They couldn’t find an answer, other than explaining that destination wasn’t the most important thing in a trip. Gregg didn’t drop the matter until he got distracted by the arrival of a bunch of pretty girls perched on holographic platform shoes. He immediately volunteered to go up to them, and he did. An uneasy feeling spread in the pit of Rhett’s stomach.  
  
He didn’t want the night to be about girls again. He turned to Link in a silent plea to be told what to do next, but his stare went unnoticed. Link had taken his eyes off the girls and was letting himself get mesmerized by all the lights around him. They were crossing his face, following the angle of his cheekbone, bringing out his tired watery eyes’ blue. It made Rhett smile as well as it made him frown confusedly. Link was beautiful… of course he was. “Beautiful inside and out.”, sing sang a distant voice in his head. Thinking that was like thinking in a foreign language. It still sounded as close to the truth as he could get. He was pretty sure his brain was starting to overheat at this point... Suddenly Gregg’s bleached puffy hair entered his field of vision. And he hadn’t come back alone.  
  
 “Guys, here are Pam and Sadie. They’re in chemical engineering. Pam, Sadie, let me introduce to you my two sexy roommates, Rhett and Link.”

  
  
The sentence that Link uttered next could have been considered as very gentlemanly if the words had come out in the correct order. It made Rhett snort audibly and he saw that Gregg was obviously fighting the overwhelming urge to facepalm. Hopefully, the girls didn’t seem to pay much attention to Link’s obscure welcome speech. The red-haired one, Sadie, sat down next to Rhett, making sure her whole thigh was pressed up against his. He took a deep breath, then shifted a little to the side to restore his personal space. He promised himself he would minimize the smiles and physical contact as much as possible. He also had to tame his eyebrow, which had the unfortunate tendency to raise suggestively whenever a girl was around. All these precautions would probably keep him from ending up in an unwanted make out session that would make him feel less horny than alone.

  
“Do you mind if my friend Lucas joins us ?” Sadie asked before he could say a word. She pointed at a small, pale, doe-eyed boy who was half-hidden behind a pillar. As soon as he saw Rhett shrug, he rushed to sit next to the girl.  
  
“I didn’t drag this shy guy over here just to let him be on his own the whole night.”  
  
Lucas elbowed her in the ribs, seemingly not too pleased with her comment. Rhett chuckled sympathetically and exclaimed :  
  
“Oh, no! My evening would miss something without a guy with such a style!”  
  
Without warning, he grabbed Lucas’ hand to check out the silver rings he wore on each finger. He hummed appreciatively. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing, complimenting a stranger like that, but it had come from a sincere place, and he managed a shaky smile as he stammered :  
  
“I would never dare to wear that, and you... You’re like a rockstar.”

  
  
Sadie and Lucas shared a dumbfounded look before huge grins appeared on their faces. Rhett didn’t understand what he had done right, but he smiled back and let himself enjoy the fact that he might have found potential friends. He noticed that if Sadie was a very lively girl, who didn’t hesitate to talk and laugh loudly with over excited gestures, she would gladly allow her friend to be the center of attention. It was difficult to hear his much quieter voice over the heavy bass. Rhett kept encouraging him, maintaining eye contact. Lucas was making a considerable effort to keep the conversation going, making thoughtful remarks, and little by little, he felt comfortable enough to tell some stupid jokes. It brought Rhett pride to know that for once, he was the cool, extroverted guy that was helping an uptight nobody to let go. Well, actually, he had quite a personality for a nobody. Rhett was happy to find out that he was a Wolfpack fan and a skilled guitarist, which was more than the level of common features required to make a connection with Rhett. Sadie lost track of what was being said and decided to go and join the crowd, quickly followed by Link and Pam who entered the circle which had formed around a Russian dancing Gregg.  
  
A few minutes later, Rhett and Lucas ran out of comments to make about football games, rockers’ styles and guitar techniques. Music poorly filled the gaping hole of their awkward silence. Lucas opened his mouth several times, only to close it almost right away, racking his brain for a new topic but failing to find any. His knuckles went white as he tugged at the hem of his shirt. In defeat, Rhett chose to turn away from Lucas instead of saying some stupid thing that would ruin everything. He tried to calm himself down, grounding himself by fixating his gaze on the huddled dancers.  
  
His eyes met Link’s, who was jumping up and down like a madman, a huge grin on his face. When he saw how Rhett was completely ignoring the presence of poor quiet Lucas, he made some confusing gestures to communicate with his helpless friend from where he was. People around him raised their eyebrows as they wondered if Link’s uncoordinated moves were part of an avant-garde dance. Before he could feel too embarrassed about his friend, everything clicked in Rhett’s mind : when he saw Link wink repeatedly while making finger guns, he knew he was telling him to get flirty. Rhett sighed deeply, turned around, ready to try anything to unblock the situation...but the target was gone. Lucas had fled God knew where, and Rhett had no other choice than canceling the mission. He gulped down what was left of his Dark and Stormy, then leapt up and threw himself in the crowd, shoving Link and a dozen of strangers in the meantime. He was ready to drown his sorrow in the clashing of foreign bodies.

  
  
The bar was conveniently located, the most intoxicated drinkers still being able to lurch to the campus without any major obstacle. The boys did exactly that, accompanied by Sadie, Pam, Lucas – who had reappeared from the restroom half an hour after he had vanished into thin air, and another girl who was supporting herself on Gregg’s shoulder while the two of them were shaken by a fit of giggles that lasted the whole way to the dorms. Mr Fly, which had been put to all sorts of use before, was naturally promoted make out couch for Gregg, his girl, Link and Pam. Rhett quickly walked past the eye-burning show and went to the kitchen to heat a few frozen burgers up, right after he had ushered Sadie and Lucas to the least messy room.  
  
As he joined them to eat and talk some more, he felt more relaxed, now that he had danced his heart out with his best friend the whole night. He tried to sneak in some cheeky compliments and seductive grins here and there, very much aware that he was blurring the line between being goofy and fun and being a huge flirt, letting himself cross it at a dizzying speed. He didn’t care as long as it worked, and it did seem to work with his guests. He didn’t even have to picture a bombshell, once he was started, it was like muscle memory for him. Maybe he had missed his calling! Well, the only options he could think of to harness that talent was relationship coach or prostitute,… or both. Maybe he could pave the way for a new profession? That thought made him laugh internally. Anyway, even if he had a hard time believing it, Link’s advice was worth it. He’d have to thank him later.  
  
Rhett was wolfing down his third McRib when he heard Sadie say :  
  
“You know what? I’ve got a great idea. Truth or dare?”  
  
“Are you serious? We’re only three.” Lucas complained immediately, panic written all over his face.  
  
He was twisting his hands on his lap, visibly more nervous than annoyed. Sadie sighed, the mischievous glint in her eyes slightly wavering. “I’m going to entertain this boy whether he wants it or not.” Rhett thought to himself. He hadn’t abandoned his mission after all. It was the way he was supposed to act, as a new friend. So he replied after the last bite of his meal:  
  
“I’m saying dare.”  
  
“I want you to kiss Lucas.” she said casually.  
  
Rhett’s face fell. What was wrong with this girl? Was she trying to make things weird between him and Lucas on purpose? However, Lucas’s reaction wasn’t what he had expected from him : his once scared eyes shone clear and bright, piercing and challenging. Rhett’s stomach did a few somersaults when he saw him get closer on all fours, his lips glowing with Big Mac sauce. So this shy boy had some guts after all. It would have been rude to turn down the dare now, when Lucas’s nose was only a few inches away from his. Sadie squealed as they closed the distance. It began as an innocent peck that lasted a little too long to be just that. A trembling hand came to lightly touch Rhett’s shoulder, and his gangly arms automatically circled the other boy’s chest and pulled him close.  
  
That was a very weird experience, by its lack of weirdness. Rhett had never thought he would have accepted kissing a boy, let alone enjoyed it. He’d made the assumption that he would have been able to make the difference with a girl, at least. But Lucas’s body was so delicate, his face so smooth and his lips so soft, that he reacted the exact same way he would have with any pretty girl. He was getting excited, and he was deepening the kiss, far more than what a silly dare should have bargained for. He did not dare to add the tongue just yet, although the feeling of his partner going as limp as a ragdoll between his arms indicated that it would probably have been welcomed. When they pulled away, Lucas looked as if he had been relieved from all tension in his body. In contrast, sheer horror was painted all over Rhett’s face, who had gone wide-eyed and still as a statue .  
  
“My turn!”  Sadie cried, and she put her lips at the corner of Rhett’s mouth.  
  
This helped him snap out of his state of shock. What he had done… It was not a crime, it was not the horrible things that people would say about those nasty gays. Was it? Time hadn’t stopped and he wasn’t catching on fire. He’d have to wait for doomsday. He regretted what he had done, didn’t he? He felt dirty. He wanted to do it again. But it felt wrong, or maybe it sounded wrong. But there was a girl, she was kissing him now, her hand running up and down his tall back. It couldn’t be bad. Lucas was watching, his back against a footstool, legs wide open and a hand grazing his groin. Rhett closed his eyes.  
  
When he thought about it, the world had lied to him since his childhood. Any good kisser could light a roaring fire in your insides. Images of tan boys and girls dancing under the sun came to his mind in a vivid, colorful series of flashes.  
  
  
  
  
Early in the morning, the guests were gone, and everyone went to bed. An exhausted Link snuggled up in his duvet, ordering his brain to wipe the night out from his memory. He especially didn’t want to relive the part when he had to hold Pam’s hair back to avoid getting it dirty from the lunch and dinner she was pouring in the toilets. A quiet chuckle coming from the bottom bunk made him lose his focus.  
  
“Was your night that amazing?” he snapped.  
  
No reply.  
  
“Rhett?” He asked tentatively.  
  
Maybe Rhett was having an amusing dream he would tell Link about later.  
  
A faint voice whispered his name.  
  
Was Link in the dream now? If Rhett was making fun of him even when he was asleep, Link didn’t want to know about it after all.  
  
“Link. I’ve got to thank you, man. For the advice you gave me. It did wonders.” He heard Rhett say, slightly slurring his words.  
  
So he was awake, or more accurately, half awake and half baked.  
  
 “The redhead and the guy, they're your friends now?”  
  
Link couldn’t wait to hear how Rhett’s life had been enhanced in every way by his wonderful advice. This didn’t stop Rhett from never answering his question. Either it was too complicated for his stoned mind, or he had drifted off for good. This time, Link was too tired to bother asking again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for proofreading this chapter and giving me some suggestions!


	3. Back to Buies Creek

Clouds were gathering like fluffy mushrooms in a forest of blue. Relief washed over Rhett as soon as he felt the icy water swirling against his pores, feeling cool and invigorating. His temples were shining from the golden haze of the humid North Carolinian afternoon, and the smell of his skin was merging again with the scent of the muddy soil. Sitting on a yellow rock a few feet away, Link was smiling peacefully, dangling his feet above the water, his half-closed eyes getting distracted by the silent journey of a bunch of seed hairs floating down from the cottonwood trees. This riverbank was the scenery of all their dreams and promises. Behind his brow knitted by tiredness, Rhett could still hear snippets of their kingdom’s mythical tales ringing out. Inevitably, there were missing pieces to their imaginary adventures that would still slip from his grasp. The memories were colliding and combining to turn into static, hurting his brain. The waves they once created in the river couldn’t do anything other than getting farther away or come back as terribly distorted.

 

“Are you okay, brother?”

 

Link had stopped smiling because of how lost his friend looked, his eyes getting glassy.

 

“Join me?” Rhett asked, much quieter that he had intended to.

He felt like a kid, a very vulnerable one. Hopefully their bond was always there to save his sanity, or at least he cared enough for what they had that he couldn’t afford losing himself. Link’s presence was always able to wring a thundering energy out of his core, and he was grateful for that, even if he rarely said it out loud.

 

Link went over the different diving options he could chose from, pretending he was in front of an Olympic Games’ jury. He was not convinced that he should do the traditional cannonball, which of course guaranteed a striking effect but truly lacked originality and grace. Doing the roll-plunge might hit its mark if he managed not to smash his skull wide open in the process. It looked like the jury was growing impatient and had sent a 6’6 long aquatic creature to grab him by the ankle and drag him into the depths. They wrestled, less violently than when they were children as to not hurt the other too much. Rhett’s muffled holler came to Link’s ears as his friend succeeded in his task of submerging him for almost a minute. After some unnecessary, erratic movements, the prisoner jabbed Rhett in the gut to set himself free, causing him to whine loudly as he let go. After he had stopped choking on water, Link felt the need to apologize to his friend who was still pouting, although he couldn’t help a smug grin from appearing on his face.

 

“Come on, man, don’t act all offended. Swim race?”

 

Rhett’s eyes lit up, and he propelled himself forward without waiting for a signal, splashing Link in his path.

 

“Hey! Come back, you cheater!”

 

The vibrant hues of the foliage were fading in the evening’s grey, a gloomy dew that gently coated pasture grass and darkened the horizon. Link dried his body meticulously and slipped in his pristine white Nike Air Jordan, whereas Rhett decided to let his skin air-dry and had to look for where he had left his muddy flip-flops. They had planned to hang out with some high school friends on the parking lot of the shopping mall in Lillington that night. Link was sure he would have a good time, but he also knew that ever since he became Rhett’s blood brother, other friendships were ruined for him. Sometimes he would ask himself why on earth he had committed to put up with this irritable, awfully competitive, self-centered jerk. But Link expected everyone he met to respond to him at least as well as Rhett could, and he was frustrated when he inevitably found out they could never satisfy him. As much as he was critical of Rhett’s annoying quirks and flaws, the fact that they had spent so much time together so that they had become each other’s molds as they grew up prevented anyone to come anywhere near Rhett’s level. He watched as his ridiculously tall and wacky friend skipped towards the road like a schoolchild.

  
  
  


At the McLaughlins’, dinner was a key moment in family life. Everyone gathered around Mama Di’s hearty meal to talk about their day. Sometimes the innocent conversations would lead to heated but captivating debates, usually ended by Rhett’s father’s indisputable verdict. Tonight, however, this special time was being constantly disturbed by the phone. They decided to let it ring until the person on the other end got tired of it, but it still wouldn’t stop after a few minutes and Diane had to go and pick it up.

 

“Rhett, it’s for you. A girl named Sadie. She says she knows you from class.”

 

His father stopped chewing on his roasted beef to cast his son a glance of unconcealed annoyance. Rhett took the phone from his mother’s hand, both nervous and curious to know what she had to tell him. To be honest, he had totally forgotten about her existence as soon as he had set foot in Buies Creek.

 

“Hey, is this Rhett?”

 

Her voice was sweeter than he remembered.

 

“How did you get my number?”

 

“I asked Pam, who asked Laura, who had Gregg’s number. She asked him for Link’s, who then gave us yours.” She explained in a fast, jerky way, as if she was in a hurry.

 

“Is this an emergency? Why are you calling me? It’s nice and all, don’t get me wrong.”

 

Great, he was already managing to sound rude. She didn’t make a big deal out of it as she replied:

 

“I’m calling on behalf of Lucas, actually. Let’s say he couldn’t talk to you directly.”

 

The pale boy with nervous gestures and the start of a rocker’s style came to his mind, making him smirk. Then, it was like he felt the rush of feelings from their kiss all over again.

 

“You made a lasting impression on Lucas.” She continued, a fond smile in her voice. “I’m so happy we’ve met you. Sure, we know some people like you guys. But you’re different. Unashamed, comfortable in your own skin. You’re everything Lucas is struggling to be, because he’s not confident enough, or because… he isn’t exactly encouraged by the rednecks that live around here. I think you could be his role model.”

 

Rhett made sure to close his gaping mouth before his parents could raise an eyebrow at his astounded face. What Sadie was saying didn’t make any sense to him.

 

“That’s not very accurate. I’m not what you could call an extroverted guy. I was really trying when I met you.”

 

“You know, I kind of noticed that.” she chuckled. “But the most important thing is being proud and out, right? Lucas… He’s been talking about you nonstop since y’all kissed. It wasn’t just a dare, was it? He says he felt something deep, like his heart was healed.”

 

“That’s freaking...hardcore.” he muttered, unsure of what to make of what she said.

 

“He wanted me to ask you to be his boyfriend. His first boyfriend” she clarified.

 

“What? Oh gosh, but I’m not-”

 

He couldn’t say it out loud, with his parents within earshot. He walked as calmly as he could to the corner of the living room that was the farthest from the dining table. When he couldn’t yank on the cord without making the telephone fall over, he began to whisper furiously:

 

“It was just an experiment of some sort, okay? I enjoyed it, I think, but it’s not... Do boys even do the dating thing?”

 

He was out of breath after that. Sadie didn’t answer for what felt like hours.

 

“Sadie? You’re still here?”

 

“I was clearly mistaken about you, you dickhead.” she retorted.

 

Her voice had dropped low, and she sounded pissed off.

 

“What?”

 

“But you know, it’s for the better. Lucas won’t have to find out you’re an asshole by dating you” she said through gritted teeth.

 

“What are you talking about? I’ve just told you I’m not into that kind of thing. Is this a joke?” he asked in disbelief.

 

“I’d rather you tell me the truth and admit that you were just being a tease the other night instead of pretending that you don’t like boys.”

 

“I don’t, I swear to you!” he almost shouted at the handset.

 

“Right. I’ll tell Lucas that the guy who insisted on flirting with him an entire evening and kissed him like his life depended on it is straight as hell.”

 

“I hadn’t done that ever before! You came up with the dare!”

 

“Get lost, Rhett.”

 

Just before she hung up, a weak whisper came through. Rhett didn’t recognize Lucas, who was sitting on Sadie’s bed, right next to her, hearing the boy he thought he had so rapidly fallen for deny the feelings they had shared. The opportunity to start a great adventure together, the kind of adventure that had always been forbidden to him, a gay boy from the South, had just vanished. Lucas softly protested against Sadie’s visceral reaction, hoping in vain that she could still make Rhett change his mind. He even wanted to believe him, despite the fact that he was contradicting everything he had done when they met, how he had come across: a flirty, shameless, obviously gay man. Most of all, Lucas was trying to ignore the buzzing in his head and the lump forming in his throat. He knew that part of him had already given up and was willing to let his heart ache without restraint.

  
  


The meet-up at the parking lot was as boring as expected, but Rhett had something to wrap his head around while sipping a Slushie on the sidewalk. The disastrous exchange he’d just had led him to question whether or not he should keep on mimicking the straightest, lumberjack-type men he aspired to look like. Impressing girls by fitting the manly man stereotype was far from his priority right now. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t even sure that his obsession with girls was stronger than his attraction to boys, or at least to a bashful and very kissable boy. But it couldn’t go further, could it? It was just his body getting confused. Technically, a boy’s lips didn’t feel any different from a girl’s, well except for the eventual lipstick, he had discovered that much. Getting real frisky with another boy though, that was a whole other story! Aside from the speculations about how hell was awaiting the sick homosexuals, even from a scientific standpoint, he reckoned that it couldn’t possibly be deemed as natural. Humans were built to find a mate of the opposite sex and reproduce, he reasoned; so he couldn’t think of what had happened with Lucas as more than harmless, deeply confusing fun. It was a trick of the body or the mind, making him tingle all over as if he was falling in love. 

A warm hand patting his back ended his brooding.

 

“Yeah, we’re roommates now. Doesn’t get better than dealing with this fucker’s dirty socks and smelling his gross breath early in the morning!” Link said to a friend’s friend who hadn’t caught up with them in a long time.

 

“Link? Can I talk to you about something?” he told him in a hushed tone.

 

“Sure thing, bo.”

 

Link didn’t look worried in the slightest. “He probably should”, Rhett thought.

 

“In private.” he said as he took him by the forearm.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for proofreading! And thank you LinksLipsSinkShips for your support! :)


	4. In the dark

Rhett was sweating up a storm, leaning on a silver birch in the green area right next to the parking lot. Nervous. He could hear their friends giggling in the distance but he was getting dizzy and their laughs sounded like pig squeals. Or a bunch of tiny demons making fun of him.

“Shit. I’m losing it... He’ll never want to talk to me again.”

 

A few weeks ago, if Link had told him what he was about to confess, he would have been so weirded out, maybe even mad at him for getting confused so easily. But Link was Link, right? Even if Rhett sometimes forgot they weren’t the same replicated being, he had to admit his friend had his own logic. “So being a fag is okay in his book? I’d better stop with the wishful thinking.” He still wanted Link to know. He wanted Link to make him feel better, assuring him it was just a phase he had to go through, that they could still be best friends. Or maybe he wanted him to scream at him and shake him out of whatever nightmare he was living right now.

This kiss...The epiphany that had followed... He had forgotten about it for a while, but now that it meant something to Lucas, it was starting to mean something to him too. Butterflies in his belly, cutting up his insides with their iron wings. He likes me!

 

“Dude, can't you calm down? It's just me.” Link said, his bewildered chuckles quickly fading down when he noticed Rhett’s somber expression. “You got a girl pregnant, or what?”

 

“You know that if I had done the dirty, you’d be the first to know.”

 

“Okay. Ew. I don’t know how to feel about that. And if you don’t mind, I’d rather you not use this expression ever again.”

 

This got an amused wheeze out of Rhett, but it sounded too shaky to be completely genuine.

 

“Olivia was going to tell me about her new pet chinchilla and it was the first time of the night I thought I was going to be actually entertained.” Link added, turning his head towards the corner where their group of friends was sitting with a sigh. “So… Are you going to tell me your secret or not?”

 

A long silence followed his question. Rhett’s ears were picking up the chirp of grasshoppers, the wind making the electric wires rattle against the poles and the sound of cars passing by, soothing his wildly beating heart. He had stopped looking at Link, who was now tapping his foot.

 

“Earth to Rhett ?”

 

Rhett seemed startled by Link’s voice. He mumbled, with downcast eyes and colorless cheeks :

 

“Man, I’ve done something… Unnatural.”

 

Link’s eyes grew wide as saucers, and he hid his mouth with his hand as he uttered in a shocked, poorly-imitated British lady voice:

 

“Oh no, you maggot! You’ve done it. You fucked a cow, didn’t you.”

 

“What the hell, Neal! I didn’t do the dirty with a cow.” protested Rhett while pushing Link playfully as he recovered from the terrible joke.

 

“Right. What is it then? Stole some candy?” Link said with a wink.

 

“This is serious.”

 

“Go on.” he told him, fluttering his eyelashes.

 

Rhett ran a hand across his face. He began to talk about the kiss in the most laconic voice he could manage, but his inner turmoil was visible. He told him it may have been the best kiss he had ever shared with someone. Once he was started, he couldn’t stop pouring his heart out, even if he had to take some shaky breaths when he felt the lump in his throat was going to make him choke. He described Lucas with great precision, as to refresh Link’s memory, and he rambled about the call Sadie had given him earlier. A boy- a handsome one!- wanted to be his boyfriend, he couldn’t believe it. He quickly added that he thought liking boys wasn’t a good thing at all, but at the same time, it felt too good not to be. He didn’t know what he should do: forget all of it? Contact Lucas to explain himself? While his nervousness was fading away as he was expressing how he felt, he chose to ignore the way Link was frowning and shaking his head the whole time. At the end, his confidant was almost facing away from him, his eyes lost in the quiet city lights.

 

“If this is some kind of prank...” he sighed tiredly.

 

“It’s not.” Rhett said, raising hopeful eyes towards his best friend.

 

“What do you want me to say, Rhett? Why are you telling me all this? What made you think I wanted to hear that kind of shit tonight?” Link cried out, his hands moving in jittery motions.

 

“If you think about it, you got me in this situation with your advice. Maybe you can help me get out of it.” Rhett suggested as calmly as he could, feeling riled up by Link’s reaction.

 

Link scoffed, taken aback by his accusation. “Oh, so you’re going to blame me for your fucked up thoughts?”

 

“Are they that fucked up, though? Two boys kissing. It’s not that horrible. It’s just unusual.” Rhett murmured under his breath. He was avoiding Link’s disapproving eyes and let himself stoop a little against the tree.

 

Link’s expression softened as he saw how small his friend looked. Animosity was replaced by a thinly disguised expression of fear in his fascinating blue eyes. They usually made Rhett happy, now they looked like they could cut his soul in half.

 

“I think you shouldn’t flirt with guys again if this leads to such results. And I’m going to try to set you up with some cutie, I mean, some cute _girl_. Not Sadie, though. She can go to hell.” Link stated firmly.

 

“I don’t need a girlfriend.”

 

“But you need a boyfriend instead? Rhett, I know that sometimes, you have trouble remembering that every urge you feel is not acceptable just because it's there, but I never thought you'd go this far!" The pitch of his voice was getting higher by the second. “You know, this whole thing would crack me up if it was just a joke. But it’s for real. You are seriously thinking about banging a guy.”

 

“I don’t need anybody. And gosh, I’m not that horny, man, I was just confused, you’re right. Fuck it”, Rhett hissed. “Why do I have so many… feelings.” His ears went red at his confession. This was too awkward to bear. He had to say something else, move on. After a brief silence, he asked in a toneless voice: “Should I call Lucas?”

 

Link replied without hesitation, arms crossed on his chest: “I think it’s better if you leave him alone. If he’s confusing to you, then you shouldn’t talk to him anymore.”

 

Rhett nodded while hiding his trembling hands behind his back, clenching his jaw to fight the stinging in the corner of his eyes. Link sighed and approached Rhett tentatively. The sun was almost below the horizon and the grass looked as coarse and glowing as flowing lava. Rhett felt Link squeeze his shoulder as a gesture of comfort. As the warmth of his body was getting closer to him, a timid smile bloomed on his face, his green eyes scrutinizing his friend’s every move. A shiver ran up Link’s spine. He knew something was off. He stepped back so quickly he almost fell down, tripping on a stick behind him, and Rhett had to thank heaven for his sharp reflexes as he caught him in time. Link was in his arms. All Rhett was able to see, crystal clear in front of him, were his light years deep eyes. His head was swimming, he was holding him, with his hot breath landing on Link’s cheeks. The moment didn’t last long, as a flustered Link fought to wiggle away from their unplanned embrace. Rhett hadn’t moved a muscle. Link suggested they went back to the parking lot, now that everything was sorted out.

 

The walk was silent. They couldn’t look at each other without feeling mortified. When they arrived, the group had disintegrated and one of Rhett’s old friends from basketball practice was meticulously placing empty beer cans in the damp grass around a half-asleep girl’s body placed in recovery position. It was time to get out of here, and it was with a slightly awkward air that Link gave Rhett a ride home.

 

 _“Won’t you talk to me?”_ Rhett wanted to ask, but was too exhausted to do.

 _“To say what?”_ Link knew he would have answered.

 

Back to college Rhett was as bored as ever, and he couldn’t even blame it on the simplicity of the courses, since they were the complete opposite of that. Back in high school, he used to be praised for his natural curiosity and his quick understanding, now he was mediocre at best. Civil engineering was definitely not as appealing to him as when he had chosen it before he graduated, and it had the audacity to get more and more difficult to grasp. No way he would work hard for it though.

 

Having other troubles on his mind didn’t help him lighten his mood. He was trying to convince himself that the conversation he and Link had at the start of the holiday could have gone a lot worse, really. After a few days of not hanging out, Link had called him to go on an adventure into the woods. Seeing him pretending he had forgotten all about their exchange, Rhett hadn’t known how to feel: while he didn’t like confrontation, he wanted to know if Link was okay with what was going on in his life. Link had made it clear that he didn’t think it had been a real argument, because in his mind, there was nothing to argue about: Rhett was just wrong. Throughout the rest of the holiday, as they wandered about under the Southern sun, Link had conveyed by his behavior that he still liked being around him, even though there were times he acted as if he was a bit uncomfortable. The I’m dead move was definitely prohibited now.

 

On his part, Rhett was trying to hide the bitterness that came in waves when he was hanging out with his lifelong friend. He had been pained by his reaction, but he thought he probably should have expected it. Link had repeated to him all the distressing thoughts he’d had himself before, that he had hoped he could have buried and forgotten by having his behavior approved by a loved one. Sadly, society’s rules were deeply ingrained in Link’s mind, and society was a bitch to those who didn’t obey.

 

And maybe everything in life wasn’t about surviving and creating an offspring with a woman. Maybe attraction and lust and love were human things that could be lived without a worry about what’s natural and what is not. Eating gross combinations of junk food containing every kind of fat, climbing on unwilling cattle, gliding along a glacial stream until you can’t feel your extremities, crashing at strangers’ parties, making the tires of your pick-up truck screech on the hot asphalt as you take a turn at full speed on a country road, all of this was sillier and weirder for a self-preservative species than wanting to be with a boy, but just as exhilarating. However, it seemed that life in the South wasn’t meant to be lived to the fullest; traditions were written in stone by generations of ancestors, and there wasn’t anything Rhett could do about it. He didn’t want to get in trouble, to disappoint his family, to make the parish talk. He could make himself forget Lucas. After all, it was just a kiss.

 

It was a dull afternoon and they both were in their dorm room, a rare occurrence that had been made possible by the canceling of some of their courses. Link was listening to the raindrops that were hitting the window to try to concentrate on a difficult maths problem. He dropped his pen on his well-kept copybook with a frustrated sigh as the hellish rumbles that came from Rhett’s stomach wouldn’t quiet down. Rhett was spread out on his bunk, his arms limply hanging from the mattress, and he didn’t seem to have the slightest intention in getting out of it -he was spending a lot of time like this lately, in his worn out oversized jumpers, embracing the corpse way of life. Link had also noticed the way he would only open his mouth to be ruder than usual to everyone around, insulting others without a care in the world. Link decided he had had enough of this side of Rhett and strode towards the bed.

 

“I’m tired of you pretending you’re not alive anymore.”

 

Rhett growled feebly. His stomach echoed him.

 

“Dude, listen to your innards. They’ll want out if you don’t feed them. Come on, let’s go to Bojangles’, it’ll cure you.”

 

“Hey, I don’t need a cure. For _anything._ Now if you could be kind enough to fuck off,” his friend replied sourly.

 

Link rolled his eyes, took him by the arm and led him to the empty fridge, hoping the depressing sight would motivate him to go get a decent meal. But it was showing him brightly-colored leaflets advertising a new chicken bites formula that sealed the deal. Their mouths were already watering when they arrived at the nearby restaurant. For a short while, as they waited in line, the wonderful fumes of frying meat brought Rhett back to life. When he finally got to the counter however, his mind went blank, erasing the order he had perfectly rehearsed. A name tag spelling Lucas in bold letters was dancing before his eyes.

 

“Hi, what can I get for you?” the jet-haired boy with slumberous eyes asked politely, the only sign that he was panicking internally being his quivering lip.

 

“I… a chicken...?” Rhett drawled, eyes glazed over. He noticed Lucas was wearing a small silver earring, he couldn’t stop looking at it, and eventually his gaze traveled to his graceful neck, white as chalk.

 

“Sorry, sir, but you’ll have to be more specific.”

 

Rhett glanced at Link, who was still looking thoughtfully at the big panels behind the pay-desk to find something that wouldn’t offend his demanding palate. Which meant he hadn’t recognized who their waiter was and which meant Rhett still had time to make some bad decisions.

 

“Hey, what time do you get off work?” he asked, his heart hammering in his chest.

 

“Sir, we have other customers to serve, can I take your order plea-”

 

“You’ve got to tell me, quick. When do you get off?” he tried again, almost menacing this time.

 

Link could be a very oblivious individual sometimes, so he still had no idea of what was going on. He had turned away from the scene and was now bickering with a middle-aged woman who had visibly emptied a few bottles of perm solution on top of her head and was proudly wearing an old ‘Reagan Bush ‘84’ navy blue tee-shirt. She was standing behind them surrounded by her three snotty kids and had begun to complain loudly about the two young men taking too long to order. Of course, her passive-aggressive comments didn’t fail in making Link reveal his hot-blooded nature. Rhett knew their fight would come to an end when Link would remember he was too hungry to care about his opponent, so he had to act fast. He flattened his large hand on Lucas’s, which was on the counter. He watched with pleading eyes as a heavily blushing Lucas eventually leaned in to say:

 

“11 pm.”

 

“Thank you.” he said in a hushed tone that sounded like it came from a spy movie.

 

Rhett then stepped back as if nothing had happened and ordered a royal feast. He briefly distracted Link from his quarrel to ask for what he wanted, which he then transmitted to Lucas. After getting their trays, Rhett and Link sat on the same side of one of the last empty booths and began to chat between ravenous bites. Their cheerful banter reminded them both how much they liked listening to each other. They had so much in common, and they felt relieved that they hadn’t reached the stage of their friendship where they were like a married couple who had nothing left to share. They went back to the dorms satiated, a warm feeling in their full bellies.

 

The night had fallen and the green digital numbers said it was 10:37 pm on Rhett’s clock radio. If you had been among the night owls skulking around the red brick buildings, you would have noticed a tall figure arrayed in what looked like dark floating veils – this strange creature of the night was in fact a giant teen with very baggy clothes, running out of the campus as if his life depended on it. The wind was hitting him in the face and it made his eyes tear up. He also felt a sharp pain in his lower back -he kept going nevertheless. Half an hour later, the restaurant was in sights. Rhett slowed down in his tracks and crossed the road, giddy with anticipation. An employee was smoking next to the entrance; under the shadow of his cap, Lucas's melancholic features could still be recognized. Their eyes met, and suddenly the gray textures of the dimly-lit neighborhood seemed to melt and drip like paint around the center of his field of vision where Lucas was standing in all his mysterious grace. Rhett hurled himself upon him. After that, everything happened in a blur, and it didn’t take long for them to end up behind the restaurant, squeezed between the dumpsters and the wall. Rhett’s hands were unstoppable, alternating between a firm touch and feather-light caresses on Lucas’s skinny flanks. He could feel the steam emanating from his milky skin tickling his digits which were busy roaming under Lucas's polo shirt.

 

“You taste like fried chicken.” Rhett chuckled as he broke their kiss, beads of sweat appearing under his hairline.

 

“You do too.”

 

It went further than what he had planned: they were only a few minutes in and Lucas was on his knees, unbuttoning his pants in a rush and pressing a hot palm on his crotch. It was the first time someone else’s hand had ever touched him like that, and it got his hormone-flooded brain to short-circuit. Oh my, did he look good down there, his cap put on backwards, a mischievous smile appearing on his face as he peppered gentle kisses on the tip of his hardening cock. Holding it in his hands like the holy grail, he took his time licking the shaft, making Rhett’s legs tremble. The moment he took it in his mouth, Rhett couldn’t help giving little high-pitched, breathy pleas. Lucas was drooling like crazy and he had trouble not to gag when he tried to take it deeper, but he showed great determination in pleasuring his partner all the way, his fingers lightly stroking his inner thigh. Rhett felt he was getting close and encouraged him to continue, but it all stopped abruptly. Lucas got up, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, took him by the collar and pushed him down to his level. Their noses were a few inches apart and the flames in Lucas’ eyes were licking at his face.

 

“You aren’t into men, you said? So you want this to stop, is that right?”

 

Rhett let out a pitiful whine and shook his head no. He hadn't known this shy boy's voice could get so deep. His only wish was to bask in the exquisite danger of his furious gaze for the rest of the night.

 

“I thought so." Lucas whispered.

 

A delicate, but powerful hand pushed on top of his buzzed head and Rhett let his knees hit the concrete.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for your help, afangirlsplaylist!


	5. Play pretend

“Rhett! You there? Ouch, motherfuck- “

 

Of course he had to hit his big toe on the coffee table leg at a time like this. Sometimes Link felt like his life was an episode of the Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner cartoons, and he was the one who would run into all the dynamite. Hopefully at the moment his senses were numbed, and he quite liked the amber taste of malt on the tip of his tongue. Two cans of cheap beer in his bloodstream, why was he such a lightweight? Two hazel eyes, filling with desire, were following his every move from the half-opened door. Where had the condoms gone? He was sure he had put them… Not in this drawer, apparently. Turn left at the reeking pile of clothes, oh gosh, aside from the fabric, must be at least 70 % sweat. And definitely not Link’s, as his shirts were perfectly clean and well-folded in his side of the closet. You’d think Rhett only existed to turn the place upside down and leave his body odor everywhere like a tomcat marking its territory. A fake presence, never there when you needed him.

 

“You've got them?”

 

A growing impatience leaked out of the attractive girl’s light tone. It was safe to say Link could be quite a flirt when he felt like it, so it hadn’t been too hard for him to start a conversation with Justine on the patch of grass where she was studying. He was into her style, thigh-high boots and leather jacket, dark bangs and a bright smile, but she had looked deeply focused on her biology copybook, a tiny crease appearing between her furrowed eyebrows. He felt like he had hit on her only because she had allowed him to. She had let herself look impressed with his charming bravado, only to whisper dirty schemes she had planned for him in his ear. She was a few years older than him and she seemed to be used to casual sex with boys she’d just met. He didn’t think he was that kind of guy, but he was in the mood nonetheless. Since he’d broken up with his high school girlfriend, he hadn’t had many chances to get some. Now, his only concern was to find the goddamn condoms.

 

“Yeah, I’m his flatmate, nice to meet you.”

 

There he was. His voice was more gravelly than before, Link wondered if he had started smoking without telling him. Maybe he was just sick. Judging by his proud grin, Rhett was having fun showing off the new look he had chosen a few weeks ago: a weird curly mohawk, shiny earrings, a loose tank top, silver rings, moody eyes. Even his walk had changed: he had a limp, as if he was pretending to be some kind of mysterious bad boy- he actually looked more like a gutter punk. Justine seemed to like it, averting her eyes from Link to give Rhett a once over, and Link couldn’t help but to feel irritated. In all honesty, Rhett would have looked pretty stylish to him if he hadn’t known how awkward his praying mantis of a friend could prove himself to be, and how hard he was always trying to look cool, which was probably what Link found the most ridiculous.

 

“Hey, Taxi Driver, come over here, I need your help.”

 

It was true that he would easily fit among the off-putting mobsters in the Scorsese's film posters he had hung up everywhere in the room. Rhett took his time coming up to Link, floating on his cloud. Link thought he could have looked a little more intrigued to see his latest conquest of the feminine kind, but it probably didn’t match his anesthetized punk demeanor.

“I haven’t had time to talk to him in days. Where the hell does he always go?” Link wondered, watching the strange and inviting glow emanating from Rhett’s tan, smiley face.

Still displaying an annoyingly satisfied smirk, Rhett seemed to understand what his friend was about to ask him. His hand dipped into his inside pocket from which he pulled out a half-empty pack of condoms. He gave it to Link with a wink. “Have fun, kids”. Link felt his eyes roll automatically at that. Justine beamed at her partner when he took her hand and led her to the bedroom. She crawled all over him and bit at his lips eagerly, making him sigh under her experimented touch.

 

“He’s kinda hot, your friend.” she mumbled while running her hands through his dark mane.

 

“Well, he’s taken.” Link blurted out without thinking, before silencing her with another kiss.

 

That might be it. Last time he had checked, his friend was a virgin who wished to make friends instead of ending up kissing girls at parties. And now he was carrying condoms wherever he went? And why would Rhett have changed so much if it wasn’t to impress a girl? Or a boy… Link certainly didn’t want to think about that while Justine was reaching between his legs, spreading her delicious warmth over his body. He tried to shake off the nauseous feeling that was beginning to overwhelm him at the thought of Rhett being with another boy by reminding himself that his friend had promised he wouldn’t give in to his gay leanings. Or so he remembered.

 

When Justine left, her flowery scent quickly went away, boys’ hormones and leftovers assaulting Link’s sense of smell once again. He didn’t know what to do with himself so he took a walk, feeling the gentle caress of the droplets carried from the sprinklers to his arms by the light breeze. There were still a few students hanging around, and a faint smell of weed was floating near the cafeteria. Link sat his lonely self on a concrete bench and just watched lazily as the orange rays of the setting sun sliced new, dramatic shadows on the passerby’s features. His gaze followed a rollerblading herd of girls for a while. His brain forced him to count the rounds they were making around the dusty paths winding between the dormitories. Some jogger was catching his breath, leaning on a big tree. And then there was this tall guy leaving the campus in a hurry. “Shit, it’s Rhett, where is he going?” Link felt himself standing up mechanically and began following his friend from afar, making sure he was well-hidden behind the small laurel hedges. A hot, white feeling was slowly flaring up in his chest, not quite anger, more like vile excitement. It reminded him of when he used to spy on his neighbors with the camouflaged binoculars his stepdad Jimmy had bought him along with the rest of his military gear.

  
  
  
  
  


“You need to stop monopolizing the mirror, pretty boy. I have plans for tonight, too.”

 

“Hang on, I’ve got a cowlick, look at that, I look so stupid.” Lucas complained, still staring at his own reflection.

 

“Stop it, your man has already seen all of your cowlicks, and that’s not the one that he’s most interested in!”

 

This earned Sadie a disappointed stare which didn’t fail in making her burst out laughing. He protested loudly as she ruffled his heavy mop of black hair. Suddenly he got quiet, pricking up his ears as a whistle stood out from the evening birds singing outside.

“My love! He’s here!” he exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with pure joy, and Sadie could swear she had just witnessed her roommate's transformation into a love-struck actress swooning over the romantic male lead of a cheesy old Hollywood movie.

 

His smile almost doubled in size as he saw his boyfriend from the window, and he started jumping around frantically.

 

“So you did miss me, uh. It’s only been a few hours, baby.” Rhett quipped, cocky as ever.

 

“Come on up before he overheats.” Sadie replied with an exasperated sigh.

 

Link couldn’t really see anything from the low wall behind which he was hidden, but he could clearly hear Rhett’s voice getting all kittenish while he was talking to someone down the street from a shabby suburban building. And now he was getting in, the buzzer making quite a racket. Link waited for a bit, almost paralyzed. His position was far from comfortable, a pool of sweat progressively flooding his armpits. He began to feel extremely stupid and contemplated going back to the campus when he heard a click, and the metallic sound of the gate of the residence opening. Someone was getting in. Seizing the moment, he managed to thread his way between the stranger and the gate in a few lightning quick leaps, bumping into him while doing so. He didn’t look back nor apologized, bolting up the stairs as if the police was after him instead. Finally he reached the floor where he thought the window that opened above Rhett was situated.

 

What now? He could hear the sound of laughs and tinkling glasses coming out of apartment 315 and reverberating on the cracked gray walls of the corridor. But he couldn’t tell if he recognized the warm timbre of his best friend’s voice or not. Loud footsteps coming from the staircase startled him and the guy he had just jostled appeared in the door frame. Link noticed he was all dressed-up and he was holding a bouquet of crimson flowers in his right hand. The man slowly crossed the corridor to knock on apartment 315’s door, giving Link a dirty look in the process. He didn’t really know how to respond other than with an uneasy smile.

 

“Guys! Daniel’s here!” a mildly familiar voice squealed from inside as the door opened and the man entered.

 

“You two lovebirds will leave us alone, then?”

 

That was Rhett’s playful reply, there was no doubt about that. His heart pounding in his chest, Link dared to come closer and have a peek, as the door hadn't closed properly. From there he could see the group of young people loudly talking and drinking in the small, seedy living room. He recognized the redhead, Sadie, gorgeous in a dark blue evening gown, her crossed arms almost overflowing with the red flowers. She was sitting on Rhett’s lap and was laughing maniacally at a joke that the newcomer had just cracked. Rhett looked at ease among them. He didn’t look like himself. Another silhouette could be distinguished, barely visible in the corner of the room, and a soft, timid voice was coming out of it. Could it be…?

 

“Hey! There’s this weirdo at the door, he’s spying on us.” Daniel shouted, walking towards Link and pointing at him menacingly.

 

Before he could flee, he felt a strong grip pulling at his collar and lifting him up. All he could see now were gritted teeth and hairy nostrils flaring with rage.

 

“Calm down, Dan. We know him.” Sadie said in the calmest voice, making him step back and loosen his grasp.

 

Link wanted to laugh at Rhett’s incredulous expression, but he was still shaken by the sudden attack he had suffered.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing.” Link snapped back, adjusting his short-sleeved shirt.

 

“Did you seriously follow me? What’s gotten into you, man?”

 

He sounded more uncomfortable than upset. Link had to pinch himself on the back of the hand to not lose himself in his shimmering eyes. His brown eyelashes were casting spiky shadows, like fans opening on his cheekbones. His best friend was beautiful, yet confusing. When he thought they were the same, Rhett managed to do something Link would  have never expected. It could be the smallest thing, just an expression or a gesture. But when he thought he was miles away from him, Rhett would make a comment that would make him split his sides laughing, or act in such a silly way that he would feel that their stupid teenage souls were reunited again. Link let his stare linger on him. He would have loved to taste the mystery of the thoughts swimming behind this handsome, panic-stricken façade. He wanted to understand all those surprising sides of Rhett. He wanted to know what was separating the two of them right now.

 

“Hey, darling, it’s all right. He can stay for a bit. Before things get… interesting.” Sadie murmured in Rhett's ear, letting her index finger run over his chest. It was hard to tell if she was being serious or just pretending to sound sultry. It definitely didn’t seem very natural. Link caught sight of Lucas and his delicate, distraught face. He almost looked like a Greek sculpture of an ephebe, if he wasn’t so slender and his shoulders so scrunched up. Link watched as the boy swiftly took a step towards Daniel and put a hand in his back pocket. Everyone was staring at one another, and the tension in the room was palpable.

 

“Rhett, can I talk to you for a minute?”

 

Rhett nodded and left Sadie’s side as he followed Link into the bathroom. Rhett let his eyes wander over the cluttered shelves, intently scrutinizing toothpaste tubes and after-shave lotion bottles to avoid looking Link in the eye.

 

“So you’re dating her? The girl who wanted you to bone her gay best friend? And he found someone too.” he recapped, feeling a bit confused.

 

“Yep. Dating her. Sure.” Rhett replied, drumming his fingers on the side of the sink nervously. They went silent for a while. Link was wondering why Rhett looked so tense.

 

“Maybe… Maybe it was her way of flirting with me? You know, I’m sure girls fantasize about gay men as much as guys like to think about girls together, I mean-”

 

“Listen, you could have told me. I find it a bit strange, but I’m happy for you. And I’m sorry I interrupted your little party, I was just so curious. I wanted to know why you’ve been… Distant lately. Always looking like you’ve had the best fuck of your life! For a moment I thought you were back with Lucas. But now I’m relieved.” Link told him.

 

Rhett was facing away from Link, a bittersweet smile creeping up on his face.

 

“I would have hidden it better.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for proofreading this chapter!


	6. How do you frame chaos?

The physics book hit the floor with a thud. Why study about photons when you have the skill to petrify light? That thought lingered in Pam’s mind as she reached for her good old Impulse Polaroid camera with a lazy smile.

 

She knew that when she would grow old, she would get nostalgic about it. She would crave the grainy feeling of the gray plastic case against her palms, the magic of watching shapes and colors emerge on a glazed paper square. With the right light, the right framing, you could tell so much about the dirty misery of a shipyard, the melancholy of a meadow, the energy of a toned body. She didn’t need a journal, she had her camera.

 

She didn’t really need pictures to refresh her memory. If she was left in a quiet place, alone with her thoughts, the chances were high that her mind would decide to go back to coffee and scrambled eggs, soccer matches, her first period, boring summer jobs, tests she had monumentally failed, the cafe with the pinball machine, on her way to the club, that one boyfriend and tears bathing her face, the lines of cypresses and daffodils at her grandma’s house. Images she could have captured with her camera a thousand times, but had never really wanted to. She always managed to remember the essential steps she had gone through in her life. They usually came back in the form of way too precise facts shrouded in blurry periods of time. It somehow felt like a biography written by someone else, her own vague feelings being dulled by time.

 

In her opinion, the only moments that deserved to be immortalized on a photograph were the ones when she hadn’t been bogged down inside her head, writing her own little storyline. All the things she could so easily forget, the things that most people didn’t mind seeing fade away, she wanted to keep: the optional encounters, the absurd, drunken thoughts, the dream-like evenings hanging out with people for the first and last time, when nothing really seems to matter, when she doesn’t let herself feel like someone real, lifting the burden of self-centered dread off her shoulders. Almost all the pictures in her photo book made her dive back to moments that didn’t mean anything to her, but could have in another life, maybe.

 

Pictures from the last few weeks had been piling up on her desk. Hanging out with Sadie’s crew sure created strange situations that deserved a click and a flash. She needed to arrange the pictures in her book, and reminisce all the while.

 

She found that she liked the first picture a lot, mainly because of its subject. It was a shot of sweet, blue-eyed Link sitting cross-legged on the bruised leather sofa, talking animatedly to Sadie’s boyfriend who was out of frame. Link was a new addition to the group of friends, probably because Rhett still hadn’t found a good excuse to stop him from inviting himself over to Sadie and Lucas’s flat every time they got together. Link did leave them alone when it was ‘date night’. Pam found very amusing the fact that Link didn’t know about the relationships that existed within the group at all. Even if he’s super nice, he’s also a homophobic douchebag, Sadie had told her. Of everyone in the group Link got along best with Daniel, who shared a number of his interests. Pam remembered hearing them talk about mountain biking and some grungy band with great passion. However, Link couldn’t help voicing his utter amazement at the ‘non-gayness’ of his new friend. It was the perfect example of how a conversation about that particular subject usually went.

 

“Honestly, if I didn’t know about you two, I’d swear that I’m talking to the straightest man alive. Do you do it on purpose, or-”

 

“There’s no such thing as acting straight or gay, Link.”

 

“For real?” Link would ask in confusion. “But, see, Lucas just acts so…. gay compared to you.”

 

“Listen, maybe there is such a thing, I don’t know. I don’t care too much either. But to answer your question, this is my normal self.”

 

“That’s incredible ! You’re the definition of normal, but one day you told yourself, I want to be with dudes. Like, cocks are cool, I like them. I wouldn’t mind having them very, very close to me…”

 

“You’re being very annoying right now.”

 

“Right, sorry.”

 

The most awkward (and hilarious) moments would occur when Daniel was turned into Link’s personal sex ed teacher against his will: the eager student would ask him some very specific, graphic questions about gay sex. Of course, Daniel was both clueless and uncomfortable, and Lucas often had to intervene, answering truthfully with an exasperated sigh while Daniel was blushing at what Link now believed he did with Lucas at night. There was a point when Lucas had started telling Link the stupidest, most anatomically impossible things, just for kicks, knowing that Link would most likely buy it. Such innocent blue eyes, full of wonder and ignorance, Pam thought as she put the polaroid under plastic film. But he was getting better. The more time he spent with the others, the more he was comfortable with the idea of boys being together. So much so in fact, that he had asked the fake couples not to mind his presence, as he had noticed they weren’t as affectionate as they could be. Good catch, Sherlock. Whenever he would say things like that, the others would have a giggle and change the subject, but Sadie liked messing with everyone by getting touchy with Rhett, which of course encouraged Lucas to do the same to Daniel, as a sort of playful competition. The desperate glances that the poor guys would exchange, trying to survive in the unwanted embraces they were trapped in, were priceless.

 

A few close-up pictures. First one: the edge of the sink covered in large trickles of blood, shining under the halogen lamp. The deep red was clashing with the ceramic material and the bright blue of a toothbrush. The pleasing mix of colors somehow softened the pulsing violence that the picture emanated.

 

On the next photo was Daniel’s white back disappearing under the crumpled sheets of Sadie’s bed, grazed by the soft light of a rainy morning. The chalky beams filtering through the blinds were sprinkling elegantly on his skin. Pam liked how the boy’s spine was splitting the photo in half.

 

There had been a fight. Link and Pam had been chilling in the living room, listening to Weezer and eating Chee-tos. At one point, he had gone to Sadie’s bedroom to go get the Rubik’s Cube so that Pam could teach him some tricks. The door had opened on Sadie and Daniel, sweaty and half-naked, making out on the bed. You could imagine what had gone through Link’s head. When Rhett had arrived at the flat, Daniel and Link were wrestling on the floor and Sadie was screaming hysterically, ordering them to stop. Pam had chosen to just stand there, waiting out the storm.

 

“That bitch cheated on you, for fuck’s sake! With this fake faggot right here!”

 

As the words had left Link’s lips, furious disbelief twisting his features, Daniel’s fist had flown like a rocket and collided with his jaw. Link had fallen hard on the floor, his mouth spewing thick pools of blood. He had immediately fled to the bathroom and everyone had turned to Daniel with a bemused look on their faces, as Link’s retching sounds and moans of pain kept breaking the heavy silence. Rhett had brought him home without a word. Later that week, they had all gathered without Link in order to address the problem of him not knowing about what was really going on relationship-wise within the group. Rhett had looked visibly bothered by the recent events but he had still tried to defer.

 

“Link is not ready. He was so angry with me when I told him I kissed Lucas…”

 

“But he’s okay with Lucas and me acting like a couple!” Daniel had objected.

 

“He’s still weirded out.” Rhett had argued. “Besides, it’s not the same. I’m his childhood friend.”

 

At the time Pam was examining her photos, Rhett still hadn’t told Link the truth.

 

Link didn’t come to the flat as often now. Rhett had told him he wasn’t angry with Daniel because the relationships in the group were built on the ideal of ‘free love’. At what point was this far-fetched excuse more acceptable than the simple truth, Pam wondered. All Rhett was doing was digging himself deeper in his hole of lies. After hearing this, Link’s anger against Daniel and Sadie had receded significantly, however, he was beginning to think of the bunch as a very weird, incestuous family that definitely didn’t match with the values he had been taught.

 

The last photos of the stack hadn’t been taken by Pam: she had lent her camera to Rhett for a weekend. They were all artistic photos of his boyfriend, either surrounded by the ochre bushes of Durant Nature Park, or posing languidly on every relatively clean surface of the apartment- which actually didn’t leave many choices. Rhett had given half of the photos to Pam and had kept the other ones, where Lucas was more often than not in a state of undress, giving the lens a cheeky smile. Pam smiled fondly at the thought of the two boys. Lucas was a beauty in those shots. The photos had obviously been taken by a loving eye. Then she remembered that one drunken night.

 

“Something’s wrong with us. So fucking wrong.” Lucas had confessed, sprawled on an old armchair with half-lidded eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

 

Pity had arisen in her chest when she had heard his trembling voice. Sadie had seemed more jaded at her friend’s complaints. She was more used to his dramatic side.

 

“What do you mean? You guys are adorable together. You’re overthinking, as always.”

 

He had shaken his head violently at her careless tone and slurred, frowning like a two-year-old:

 

“No, it’s not that! You don’t understand, he doesn’t… I feel like we’re just sex friends sometimes... After sex, we never cuddle for long. He’s nice. His hands are nice, and his eyes. But he doesn’t show he loves me. He’s so fucking stupid. He doesn’t let me show him how much I love him.”

 

He was sitting motionless with his head tilted back, the corner of his eyes reddening as the minutes were ticking by. Sadie had gotten up from the floor, taken the two-thirds empty vodka bottle that was at his feet and put it away. Salty trails had rushed down the bags under his eyes, making their way on moonlit cheeks, bypassing the tiny craters left by acne. This was the photo Pam would have taken of Lucas that night if it wasn’t so heartless.

 

Pam closed the book and put it on a shelf. She had to leave for roller derby practice.

 

Capturing moments with your camera made you a detached observer. She hadn’t taken photos of the group the last times they had hung out. She guessed she was involved in their drama now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for your help and your suggestions!


	7. Fools

Link had been running laps for twenty minutes and a pleasant burn was making his thighs ache. It was a really nice morning, no clouds in sight and a good smell of freshly-cut grass tickling his nostrils. He must have looked in his element with his flashy sweatband, which reminded him of workout videos that his mother used to exercise to in the 1980s.

 

There was a weird tingling in the back of his neck, and as he slowed down he immediately felt his legs turning into mush. He knew he had lost his momentum and would have to take a little break. Getting closer to the bleachers, he noticed that somebody had been watching him from up there.

 

He had to squint to see that the curled up figure, whose features were drowned in the shade, was none other than Daniel. He was shooting puffs of smoke among a bunch of crows that were busy pecking at oily fast-food wrappers.

 

“Hey, Neal. Your jaw’s doing better?”

 

“Yeah, for the most part.” Link replied, running his tongue over his swollen gums as he remembered the copper taste of blood that had lingered there.

 

It’d been about two weeks that Link had received Daniel’s monumental punch, his pointy knuckles meshing with the corner of his lips where a purple bruise had formed. Since then, they had only exchanged tense lines of small talk, but to be honest, Link didn’t really hold any grudge towards him. He was convinced Daniel wasn’t a bad guy, but that didn’t mean he was particularly happy to see him disturb his running routine. After all, Link was a creature of habit.

 

When he was finished stretching his legs, he sat a few tiers down from where Daniel was, watching as the campus got brighter and brighter from the rising sun.

 

“Don’t you ever feel like everyone’s taking you for a fool sometimes?” Daniel’s hoarse voice rumbled from above.

 

This made Link grin slyly. With his squad of crows and his brown fringe falling over pensive eyes, Daniel looked too somber to be taken seriously. What he’d just said just added to this melancholic persona.

 

“Having a tough day?” Link asked, fumbling with his shoelaces.

 

“More of a tough week, I would say.” Daniel answered with a chuckle.

 

He looked far from amused however. It seemed that he had forgotten to order his facial muscles to form a semblance of a smile to match his modest laughter.

 

The next question that had to be asked was too obvious to avoid, but how did Link not want to listen to someone else’s problems. Well, he guessed that he could just look into the distance, not retain a word of what Daniel would vent to him, tell him a few comforting platitudes and go back to the sports ground. He readied himself for the boring complaints as he muttered :

 

“What’s the matter?”

 

Daniel took a long drag of his cigarette and a smirk finally spread across his face. 

 

“That’d take too long to explain. To you especially.”

 

Okay. So, not only did Link have to pretend to be concerned, but he also had to beg to hear him whine? Shrugging to show his disinterest, he was about to get up when Daniel told him:

 

“Sadie dumped me.”

 

Link turned to look at him to figure out if he was pulling his leg, but his expression hadn’t changed. Actually, he looked even more miserable, eyes cast low, looking for the meaning of life on the dirty metal steps.

 

“Are you still fucking her behind Rhett’s back ? 'Free love', uh?” Link spat, clenching his fists.

 

Daniel snorted as he put his cigarette out. Contempt made him look uglier.

 

“That’s so funny. Hey, I’m going to do you a favor and spell it out for you. I never did that, because she was my girlfriend. Have you ever seen Rhett kiss her properly in front of you? No, that’s right. That’s because she was my girl, not his.”

 

His condescending tone was getting on Link’s nerves, and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Apparently, the guy had gotten so smitten with Sadie that he had decided to erase her relationship with Rhett from his side of the story!

 

“If she’s rejecting you, that’s because she’s tired of fucking around and she wants to stay with Rhett. You’d better go back to Lucas and stop with-”

 

“Pam’s cool, don’t you think?” Daniel interjected out of nowhere, a strange glint in his eyes.

 

Link was taken aback. The lack of consistency in the conversation was making him worry about Daniel’s sanity. He really wanted to leave now. 

 

“She let me borrow her camera.” Daniel added, totally unfazed by Link’s puzzled gaze.

 

Like a corpse brought back from the dead, his body seemed to vibrate with sudden vitality. He took his backpack off and after rummaging frantically, pulled a few photographs out. As he came down to sit next to Link, he handed him the photos.

 

On every single one of them, there was Rhett, making out with someone on a sofa or on a bed. Someone with short dark hair, a lithe body and an anemic complexion. Someone who definitely wasn’t Sadie.

 

“Hang on, hang on. Is that-?”

 

“It is. They made a fool out of you, Link.”

 

His voice sounded oddly gentle now, but from its cracks was dripping bile.

 

“Well, Sadie, she did the same to me, acting like she loved me and kissing strangers at the club. I should have known she was like that, that they were all like that, from all the lies they said to you. This whole… conspiracy... Honestly, I was always a bit bothered by it. But I respected the rules of the group, you know.”

 

Without further explanation, Daniel patted Link on the back, picked up his bag and jogged away, a flock of crows spiraling up in his path. Link let the incriminating photos slip out from his hands. His head had just turned into a buzzing beehive.

  
  
  
  
  


After a steamy shower and too much thinking, Link joined a sleepy Gregg on the sofa. The room was filled with two sounds: joyful banter from the series Friends and the gears grinding in Link’s head. Every beginning of a sentence forming in his mind slipped out and went away, as if he was trying to keep a steady grasp on a greasy trout. His roommate glanced at him and made the wise decision to whack him in the back of the head in order to put an end to his annoying glitching. Link punched him in the chest in response and got up to take a soda can from the fridge.

 

“Tell me, Gregg...Do you have any gay friends?” Link asked when he came back with his drink, trying to keep his tone as casual as possible.

 

“You mean, except for you and Rhett, the cutest couple of North Carolina?” Gregg said while spitting out four cheese pizza crumbs on his hoodie.

 

“Shut up! You’re useless.”

 

“Oh no, Linky’s upset now. I know you guys aren’t gay, you’re both sleazy ladies’ men. Why are you asking me that anyway?”

 

Link sighed and ran a hand on the back of his neck as he wondered how to phrase what he wanted to say.

 

“Well.” he began carefully. “I recently found out that one of my friends is gay. And that’s super weird because… I didn’t see him like that.”

 

Link’s throat had gotten dry, too dry. He took a long sip from the can, side-eyeing Gregg who slowly raised a blond eyebrow.

 

“Oh yeah? Do I know him?” Gregg asked, still watching Jennifer Aniston’s every move on the small TV screen.

 

“Um, no, he’s in my class. He’s a… very good friend of mine, but I can’t imagine… I don’t get it, you know?”

 

“What, did he flirt with you?” Gregg’s little smile was infuriating.

 

“No! He’s got a boyfriend. And obviously they’re very happy together, they seem to see each other every time they can. And I get that you can love to be around a guy-friend a lot -like you said, Rhett and I are basically married now, but the key word is platonic.”

 

“But why do you care about your friend’s private life? If he likes it in the butt, what does that have to do with you? You’re gonna meet weirdos your whole life. Better get used to it.”

 

His vaguely inspirational speech was cut off by a loud laugh track. Gregg began to roll a joint and continued, sounding as wise and sedated as an old sorcerer mediating on top of a mountain:

 

“If each time you find out something strange or embarrassing about a friend, you decide to re-evaluate your relationship with them, your life will be hell, man. For example, I didn’t ask to change roommates when I discovered you were possessed by the OCDemon!”

 

“It’s just that he’s a close friend, that’s what’s making me feel weird” Link retorted. “For example… Rhett knows a gay couple, I’ve met them and I didn’t care at all.”

 

Gregg briefly laughed at something Chandler had just said before turning back to Link and trying to come up with an answer to what he had said. He was probably at the limit of his multitasking capability.

 

“You can’t be okay with gays only if they don’t come too close to you!” he finally exclaimed. “Although I kinda get it, I wouldn’t want some eyeshadow-wearing man to cup a feel, but if the guy’s never made a move on you, you’ve got nothing to worry about, buddy. Plus, gay people are the life of the party.”

 

The loud bang of the door slamming made them both flinch. Gregg made a face as Rhett bolted from the threshold to his bedroom. Under his frozen frown, his red and puffy eyes were shining with anger. Not missing a second, Link jumped off the sofa and ran after him.

 

“Rhett! What the hell is going on?” he asked him, slightly out of breath.

 

Rhett was holding a pillow to hide his face. He lowered it wearily and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “It’s uh… Sadie dumped me”

 

Here we go again! That doesn’t sound familiar at all. Truth equals lies, and I’m good for the asylum, Link’s inner voice cackled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for proofreading this chapter!


	8. Comfort

The high wired fence cast its spotty shadow on the ground. Rhett came to press his forehead against the metal twists. He let out a long sigh and his eyes fell half-closed. It seemed that he was seeing without really seeing. Around him everything was just large, flat blotches of summery colors, whites so bright they were blinding him. The words in his head felt like empty wrappings lost in the dust. No meaning, just circular movements.

 

He adjusted his Walkman headset, turned the volume up with a trembling hand and went into the deserted basketball court. Sulfur colored clouds were multiplying above the campus.

 

His dribbling sounded like gunshots when the noise bounced on the walls of buildings. After a while, he let the ball fall from his hands and roll along the cracks in the ground, his body limp and feverish. Being alone didn’t help him as much as he had hoped. And he had no idea what he could do to distract himself from the pain.

 

There were tides. Drizzles of emotions that permeated and grew to become long black algae slicks that enfolded his throat, making it more difficult to breathe.

 

He couldn’t stop his mind from trying to find an ingenious plan to redeem himself.

 

Lucas would forgive him. Rhett just had to calm down, find him and talk sense to him. He’d remind him all the laughs, the caresses, the moments of comfortable, blissful silence in front of the TV. Lucas would listen to him and see his suffering. Otherwise… otherwise, he was fucked.

 

Another part of him was fuming. The rage was twirling inside his thorax like a bunch of vultures preying on his rotting heart. Lucas didn’t have the right to dump him like that. It felt like a part of him had been ripped from him. They had grown so much together, exploring their relationship, the loose threads of their personalities progressively intertwining. All of it had turned to dust when Lucas had put his hand on Rhett’s shoulder, looked at him dead in the eyes and murdered him in a couple of words.

 

It had come down to Rhett’s emotional defects. Rhett hated himself for being so bad at communicating his true feelings or giving and receiving small gestures of affection. To him, flirting and fucking were pretty darn cool activities, but cuddling and whispering sweet words into someone’s ear ? He had a hard time doing it casually. Knowing that he also still had trouble making close friends, he understood why he could come across as emotionally stunted. But he knew it was making Lucas increasingly frustrated, so he had tried to break the fortress he was trapped in. Every day, he had forced himself to hug more, to kiss longer and more gently, to use pet names without making it sound like a joke. It was strange and terrifying, being so vulnerable. But liberating in a way. He had finally allowed fuzzy feelings to enter his brain and make his rational self shut up for a bit.

 

A few days ago he had finally told Lucas that he loved him, just after sex. It was just a strangled whisper, a hot breath against Lucas’s skin that had fallen from his lips a bit like a question. Lucas had just smiled his sweet tired grin of his and fallen asleep, looking like an angel, dark hair sticking in all directions. Rhett had felt soft and stupid afterwards, so he had left the flat, the rain falling on his confused head. As he was getting back to the dorms, he had told himself he had to keep trying. He did love this boy, this beautiful boy who expected so much, and he had to show it to make him happy.

 

So who was the selfish one in the relationship ? Lucas always expected a lot and almost never acknowledged the efforts Rhett put into whatever he was asking him to do. Just as Rhett was destroying the last remparts around his heart, Lucas had chosen he had waited too long and had aimed at it. “Rhett, you know I can’t go on like this. I need something else.” Well fuck you. You need only me.

 

Rhett sat against the fence. It would leave diamond-shaped marks on his back. He ran his hand a few times across his face, feeling the calloused phalanges wipe the sweat away. He put his head in the crook of his arm, tugging on a strand of hair. Tears. Here they come. Cooling his burning cheeks. “Come on. You’re ridiculous”, a feeble inner voice told him. No matter how hard he was squeezing his eyes shut, big brown irises darkened by inexplicable sadness were looking right back at him. The intense stare was giving him goosebumps. He could picture his hand reaching out slowly, his fingertips grazing a milky thigh. The hole in his chest was caving in.

 

He doesn’t want you.

  


But the way Lucas was blaming him for all the problems in their relationship was totally unfair.

 

He wasn’t exactly flawless either. His ego was a yo-yo. Rhett would watch him play guitar at parties, so effortlessly cool, looking like the most confident and self-centered bastard around, but he only had to look away for a few seconds before he found a self-depreciating mess muttering alone in a corner, surrounded by empty cocktail glasses. Lucas’s mood swings were phenomenal, especially when he had had too much alcohol. It happened fairly often now, as he had found out that drinking helped him fight his shyness and erase the contours of his feelings. It made his default setting in a crowd go from sad and uptight to vaguely content. But it didn’t last long. The main drawback was that if he drank too much, he would become another person completely, and wasn’t discreet about it. Some sort of twisted childish anger ran through his veins, and he would get himself into stupid fights, or say hurtful things, or break stuff.

 

One particular demonstration of this kind of behavior had seared in Rhett’s memory. Once, Lucas had called the girl that was organizing the party they were at a slut for having drank in his beer bottle, before taking a nice china vase in the corridor and smashing it in front of her with a proud smirk. Of course, the girl had freaked out and her boyfriend had kicked Lucas out of the house. Well, it hadn’t stopped him from coming back a few minutes later by the living room’s window. He had then started to yodel while rolling on the floor, which had managed to annoy everyone there. When Daniel had tried to take him by the shoulder and tell him to stop ruining everyone’s night, he had let out an inhuman shriek and bitten into his friend’s hand, leaving red marks. At this point, Sadie was already too wasted to do anything about the situation, and Rhett had had to take matters into his own hands, crushed by embarrassment.

 

Lucas’s antics could look funny from afar, and to be honest, as a prank enthusiast, Rhett had found some of them rather amusing, but when he was that drunk Lucas certainly didn’t act that way to amuse: he was hurting, which made the whole thing look pathetic. Anyway, “looking out for the fucked up drama queen” kind of nights were getting old for everyone in their circle of friends. Also, Rhett felt guilty in a way, seeing that he wasn’t able to fix his love. Sadie or Rhett constantly tried to confront Lucas’s sober self about his manic behavior, but despite their insistence, Lucas would worry for about ten seconds and then laugh it off, saying it couldn’t possibly have been that bad. His sweet toothy smile made the world more vibrant around Rhett so he would drop the subject, although he knew it meant he’d have to face this side of Lucas soon enough again.

 

He was addicted to the sight of this boy. Rhett craved his touch and wanted to protect him from harm. He was at Lucas’s mercy because he loved him, he loved him too much and each passing second he was more afraid that his choice of leaving him was cast in stone. Being with him was not easy, but not being with him hurt far more, and the world made no sense without Lucas and he was terrified, like a baby watching the ocean waves crashing down the pier for the first time.

 

Suddenly, the sound of rustling leaves was obscured by the obnoxious hammering of rubber soles on the concrete. A group of jocks were walking towards the small court and their loud guffaws made Rhett jump off the ground. He didn’t want to be seen right now, especially not by guys like these. So he stumbled out and jogged to the gymnasium. His body ached and he wanted nothing more than being crushed by a fresh, invigorating waterfall.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Man, why did you kick him out like this! The guy’s just got his heart broken and you just- “

 

“Calm your tits, Link. He wouldn’t go out of the bathroom and I needed to take a dump. He could’ve stayed in anyway, you know. Guess he wanted to get a breath of fresh air.” Gregg replied with a shrug.

 

Link resumed his pacing while Gregg shoved stuff that was laying around into an already overflowing closet.

 

“I’m worried, honestly. I’m going to look for him.” Link stated, anxious eyes on the window.

 

It was going to rain.

 

“I thought you were going to help me with the party!” his roommate complained, but Link was already out.

  


Rhett was nowhere to be found. As Link walked past the outdoor basketball courts, he thought he recognized the tall frame of his friend among the players that were there. It was strange to find him playing with other people after what had happened, but Rhett was strange after all.

 

“Rhett ! You’re doing okay?” he asked as he came closer to the court.

 

“Who you’re talking to?” retorted the guy he had thought was Rhett a second ago.

 

The man walked closer to the fence and spat on the ground, scrutinizing him with his googly blue eyes. How could Link have mistaken this neanderthal with his best friend? He hoped he wasn’t getting short-sighted. He cleared his throat, praying that he wouldn’t stumble on his words in front of this freak whose biceps were probably more developed than his brain.

 

“Hey, uh, I was wondering… Have you seen a really tall dude with a Mohawk?”

 

“Went to the gym.” he grunted before getting back into the game.

 

At least he was concise in his answers. Link nodded at him and ran to the gym.

 

The vast Carmichael complex, with its sand-like textures and long stone curves, snatched Link into its half-light quietness. In the big hall, the shiny wood floor creaked under his feet. He ran his hand across the reception counter. The place wasn’t that familiar, but he sometimes went to see matches here. The vulgar, festive atmosphere these moments held contrasted with this grim modern space empty of life. The bodybuilders must have been in the fitness room, they seemed to basically live there. So Link knew he wasn’t totally alone, but he felt like he was. He headed over to the locker rooms, which were situated on both sides of a tiled corridor that seemed endless. The ceramic felt soft under his outstretched fingers, and the habitual scent of sweat that floated here during big matches was now a distant memory, replaced by the headache-inducing smell of bleach. Link heard the faint crackling noise of water splashing on the ground.

  
  
  


Now Rhett felt a little bit better. He was swathed by the semi-darkness of the showers. The small squares of the ground were digging into the flesh of his feet. He was watching the swinging of the pine branches’ shadow that came from the small rectangular windows at the top edge of the wall and settled on the yellow tiles and the wooden benches. It was soothing. He felt his wide shoulders relax under the steaming water. Someone had left a nearly empty bottle of shower gel in a corner of the room, so he covered himself with white, citrus-scented lather. He tipped his chin up and exposed his neck to the warm jet with a sigh.

 

Link opened the door of the locker room from where the sound came from. He scanned it and his eyes fell upon a small pile of clothes at the end of a bench. On his left, the partition wall that separated the locker room from the showers. In a few sidesteps, his back flushed against the wall, Link crept closer to the passage that led to the showers, and took a look inside.

 

Rhett was standing there, his back to him. His tall, glistening body was just a few feet away. He was applying soap on in torso in lazy circles. Link’s eyes followed the line of his arched back, the roundness of his white buttocks that caught the few rays of light. Link had seen him naked a couple of times, on riverbanks, at the swimming pool. However he didn’t think he had ever watched his body as intently as he was doing at this particular moment. He felt a hotness rise in his cheeks and told himself to leave and wait till his friend had finished, but he just couldn’t move, as if Rhett’s body was a magnet. Actually, the only way he could move was toward his naked friend. Without thinking, Link removed his clothes hastily and threw them behind him, only leaving his boxer shorts and his sneakers on. He took a few steps forward, holding his breath. Now his nose was only a few inches away from Rhett’s shoulder blades. He saw Rhett freeze suddenly at a squeaky sound his shoes had made against the wet floor.

 

Very slowly, Link closed the gap between their bodies and wrapped his arms around Rhett. He pressed his cheek against Rhett’s back and his palms rested on Rhett’s chest.

 

“Link. What the hell are you doing.” Rhett said, his voice breaking slightly at the end of his sentence.

 

“I want to make you feel better.” Link whispered.

 

“Then get off of me!”

 

He broke their embrace, turned around swiftly and shoved Link, who didn’t expect this move and fell on his butt. Seeing his friend above him, fists closed, muscles flexed, a frightening rage filling his eyes, made him shiver all over.

 

“You don’t understand what’s happening to me. So leave me alone, please.” Rhett spat, glowering at him.

 

“I know it’s not just another girlfriend. I know it really hurts this time.” Link offered while standing back up.

 

This left Rhett speechless for a few seconds. He looked away, seemingly torn between conflicting emotions. Weirdly, he looked really beautiful to Link.

 

“Well, you got that right. But you can’t help me, especially not by acting like a creep.”

 

“I know you’re gay, too. I know… I know it was Lucas.”

 

This revelation made Rhett widen his eyes in surprise, but he quickly recovered. Shaking his head, he let out a bitter laugh. Link looked at him curiously.

 

“So what?” Rhett chuckled.

 

As Link didn’t say anything, his friend sighed in frustration and just shoved him again.

 

“Just get out!” he barked.

 

Link ignored his attempts at pushing him out of the room and went in for another hug.

Rhett began to struggle and shout. His spasms were hurting Link’s arms, but he was strong enough to resist. He tried to hold him tighter and avoid his blows as best as he could, feeling like he was taming a wild beast. He felt Rhett’s resolve getting weaker, tiredness taking over and finally everything was quiet again.

 

They started to sway gently. He was feeling Rhett’s penis against his hip. Was he bothered by that? Turned on? He guessed he was kind of turned on. This was a problem for later.

 

All was quiet. Link’s fingers traveled on Rhett’s back, collecting some soap to spread it more evenly. When he was done, he took a step back and kissed Rhett’s forehead. Link himself was surprised at all the affection he was displaying, but he didn’t mind. It showed that Rhett meant a lot to him, even if he didn’t think about it every day. He could see that his best friend was holding back tears now. A weird, bittersweet feeling settled in his stomach and he began to knead his fingers in Rhett’s hair tentatively, soaping the scalp up. Then, Link pressed the shower button and watched the small clouds of lather glide along Rhett’s legs and dilute into the water. They stayed here for a while, not saying a word, not looking directly at each other. Link felt kind of embarrassed and his mind was racing. He was playing it by ear, didn’t know what to do, or say, next. It was weird spending all this time so close to one another without finding a reason to burst out laughing. At the same time a feeling of serenity washed over him. Something told him things would never be the same when they’d get out of the gym, and he didn’t know if it was a good thing or not. A tiny smile had appeared on Rhett’s lips, just as silent tears had started falling from his eyes and merging with the rest of the water.

 

They probably wouldn’t dare talking about this moment later on, Link thought, a twinge at his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you afangirlsplaylist for proofreading this chapter!


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